Cow Economics

New twist on old story.

LIBERAL
You have two
cows.
Your neighbor
has none.
You feel guilty
for being successful.
Instead of
giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cowlessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn’t attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven’t done anything to help them at all.

CONSERVATIVE
You have two
cows.
Your neighbor
has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two
cows.
The government
takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a
cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two
cows.
The government
seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in
line for hours to get it.
It is expensive
and sour.

CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE
You have two
cows.
You sell one,
buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two
cows.
The government
taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two
cows.
The government
takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You sell one,
lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You go on
strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch
and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You engineer
them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for
lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You have some
vodka.
You count them
and learn you have four cows.
You have some
more vodka.
You count them
again and learn you have eight cows.
The Mafia shows
up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all
the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk
them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
They go into
hiding.
They send radio
tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two
bulls.
Employees are
regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow
and a bull.
The bull is
depressed.
It has spent
its life living a lie.
It goes away
for two weeks.
It comes back
after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have
two cows.
One makes milk;
the other doesn’t.
You try to sell
the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues
you for discrimination.
You lose in
court.
You sell the
milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have
one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your
business to beef.
PETA pickets
your farm.
Jesse Jackson
makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante
calls for higher farm taxes to help “working cows.”
Hillary Clinton
calls for the nationalization of 1/7TH of your farm “for the children.”
Gray Davis
signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times
quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped them.
You declare
bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves
to death.
The L.A. Times’
analysis shows your business failure is Bush’s fault.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a
black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes
for the best looking one.
Some of the
people, who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people
vote for both.
Some people
vote for neither.
Some people
can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a
bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have
fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some cow from out-of-state.

~ by mi2omar on June 12, 2009.